


Of Crows and Love

by onepiecehime



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:02:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26534035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onepiecehime/pseuds/onepiecehime
Summary: What if Shisui didn't die? What if he became a part of the Akatsuki? What if the two of you had been madly in love before hand?
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Reader, Uchiha Shisui/Reader
Comments: 27
Kudos: 109





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a one shot... then it got out of hand. Enjoy!

To say the last six years had been stressful on you, was an understatement. You had lost your love, Uchiha golden boy Shihui, to the band of rouge ninjas called the Akatsuki. It had occurred 6 years ago, when you had just turned 16. Just old enough to know what love truly was. The stress came from the fact that first it was a suspected suicide, and since your love was practically forbidden, there was no time to mourn. As time went on more and more was revealed to you, including the fact that he was alive. 

You remember how Danzo informed all of the ANBU the morning, and how you were happy that your porcelain animal mask covered your shocked face. You knew you had to keep composure though, ninjas don’t cry, and as far as the village had known you and Shisui had been nothing more than on the same genin team at one point in time many years back. Always in competition, who would become chunin first, who would become jonin first, who would be the more elite shinobi? You had both experienced loss so early on the mission when Shisui activated his sharingan and you had both lost your third team member and dear friend. An incident that for some reason guilted Shisui’s mind, years after it occurred. Yes, to the rest of the village, and especially to the Uchiha clan, you provided Shisui a lifelong rival and nothing more.  
But the downside of being an elite shinobi was that you were surrounded by other elite shinobi, who knew you too well. Whether it be from the amount of time they had spent with you on mission, or simply the fact that they too had lost many comrades and friends in life and the shock of the pain that it had brought. 

It was your captain who had pulled you from your thoughts.  
“Y/N” came the voice next to you. You hadn’t even heard the rest of Danzo’s briefing, your mind checking out as soon as you heard your lover’s name coupled with ‘dead’ and ‘suspected suicide’. You looked at the silver hair man who now moved in front of you.  
“Yes, Captain Kakashi?” you asked, still trying to keep the shock out of your voice.  
“Why don’t you sit this mission out?” he looked at you with knowing grey eyes. Kakashi Hatake taking sympathy on you? A laughable idea. The older shinobi constantly trained you to the bone, barely giving you time between missions to breathe before he was on your doorstep demanding more of your time and energy. Your skill levels were on par, even if there was a four-year age gap, you also never missed out on the chance to remind him that you became a jonin a year before him, when you were 11, your eyes always twinkling with laughter when he would take himself too seriously.  
“And why would I do that, Captain?” you had to stop yourself from biting out the words. Your relationship with the Uchiha had always been an area of contention between your captain and yourself. During one training session you had seen one of Shisui’s crows, a sign that he had returned home from a mission. It had been a long one, and you found yourself excusing yourself from the training. 

“Y/N. Why bother with things that you know are not going to end well? I know you’re smarter than that” Kakashi reprimanded as you collected your personal items from the ground. You had shot him a glare. How did he know? He wasn’t wrong. You knew that Uchihas only married Uchihas, you didn’t mean for this to have happened. You tried to stop yourself from falling in love with the boy several times, you tried to put distance between the two of you, tried take on more missions, and you flat out just avoided the Uchiha compound altogether. 

“I don’t know what you’re referring to, Captain” you had bit out as you left the training grounds that day wanting the damn copy ninja to mind his own damn business, but it left you thinking. You wondered when exactly you had let your guard down to the strongest Uchiha.  
Thinking on it, it had to be all the summers spent in the capital. From the age of ten you had been assigned to guard the lord’s daughter during the summer, traveling season. You were there to protect her from unwanted male attention and advances from palace visitors. You had to dress like a royal, act like a royal, and shared a room with the girl, until the brisk winds of fall came around and you returned back to the Hidden Leaf. But your genin and chunin teammate had also been at the capital quite frequently, learning and growing within the police force. It had been nice to have a friendly face around, shared smiles and blushes when you would see one another, but whenever he would get you alone, he would poke fun at the clothing you were wearing.

“The great kunoichi Y/N! Feared across all the nations and a jonin at eleven, decked out in princess clothes and having to behave like a lady for once in her life” he said with a laugh. You punched him. You were both twelve at the time.  
“Oh, shut up Shisui!” you practically growled as you blushed hard wanting your rival to not see you as anything less just because you had to suddenly act and look like the woman you were becoming. Your fiery ways had to take a backseat during your time at the capital and he was going to take advantage of that. 

“Ah, come now. That wasn’t very lady like,” he smirked at you and those damn dark eyes of his twinkled with laughter. You blushed again at his comment. This was the third summer you were on this assignment; you would most likely have to take this damn assignment every summer until the princess was married and it was her husband’s problem. Within the last year you had both became jonin, and you had both grown. Shisui slowly into a man, and you slowly as a woman, though these traits were a little more obvious and had made you self-conscious. This was only accelerated the next summer when you had turned thirteen. 

The nature of being a woman had recently arrived and no matter how many baths you had taken, you never felt clean and it was also hot and muggy, only making the situation worse. The lord had given you a day off and you did not want to waste it in the heat traveling back to your village, though you would have killed for some dango from the village at the moment. You decided to spend the day at the waterfalls that were close by, you could swim and bathe in the cool water, while decompressing from constantly being surrounded by the royals and samurai. The falls were far enough out that you were certain no one would be there, you had discovered them at one point when you were tailing a ninja from another village who kept getting too close to the princess, logging the information in the back of your mind for an opportunity just like this. You quickly stripped off your oppressive clothing throwing it haphazardly and made your way into the water. It felt so nice, nice to be around no one watching, nice to have the cool water on your skin, nice to not have to worry about the latest gift mother nature bestowed upon you. As you swam you didn’t take mind to any chakra around you, no it was rare on this type of assignment where you could just exist and not have to be on. This assignment practically meant four months of no sleep, while dealing with the whiny princess, and advances made by the samurai, which had been noticeably worse this year. So, when you were floating on your back in the cooling waters, you didn’t hear, see, nor sense the other human that was nearby until you were being dragged out of the water. Of course your fighting instincts went into full gear as you prepared a round house kick for whoever it was that had just tried to pick up your fully nude body, it wasn’t until you had landed a punch that you realized you knew this person.

“SHISUI WHAT THE HELL” you practically seethed, now fully standing up in the water, still ready to fight. The boy held his cheek and a blush standing fully clothed in the water right in front of you. His dark curls dripped water and his face was stained a crimson red as his eyes looked everywhere but at you. With your adrenaline elevated the way it was you had forgotten about your own state of undress in the current moment.  
“I’m sorry y/n. I had been napping, I had the day off you see, and I come out here because it’s quiet and way from the capital and then when I woke up I found your clothes, and there was blood and then I saw you, and I panicked…” his voiced lead off and he was in a rush trying to explain himself but then stopped out of his embarrassment. His dark eyes still refusing to meet yours. As the adrenaline worked its way out of your system you had realized two things, one; he was referring to your period blood, and two: Shisui Uchiha, the golden boy of the Hidden Leaf, was currently seeing you completely nude. You wanted to die in that river at that point in time. You dropped your body into the water, your arms coming around your chest, and Shisui looked away more. 

“Shisui,” you spat out, “it’s NOT my job to teach you about female biology, but I can assure you that I am fine. Moody, crampy, and now utterly embarrassed but FINE.” The boy scratched the back of his neck and turned to leave. “Let me get dressed and then we can have lunch together. I packed an extra bento” you sneered, not looking at him, knowing that he felt bad. Shisui would be the last person to purposely attack you while you were fully nude, and you knew he had the best intentions in his actions. It wasn’t often that you got the chance to spend time with him either, and you weren’t going to let the opportunity slide. Both of you had a day off, away from the capital, away from the Hidden Leaf and the silly clan rules that he had to abide by, no today you were going to enjoy time with your lifelong friend and once teammate. After putting your clothing back on, away from Shisui’s eyes, you handed him a bento box and you laid out a blanket that you had brought along. You both sat in comfortable silence for a while before he had spoken up. 

“I miss you Y/N” he said, his face looked sad. You knew why though, you had made every effort to avoid him in the village, in an effort to stop the butterflies you had felt in your stomach whenever you saw him.  
“Well now you just got to see a whole lot of me. That should keep you occupied for quite a while” you suppressed a giggle at your poor attempt to flirt. He smirked and blushed. “You know what I mean. And besides, we were genin and chunin together. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”  
“We were like six and seven then. I don’t know if you noticed, but there are things there, that were defiantly not there before” you scowled as you shoved rice in your mouth. You were one of the best looking kunoichis in the world, and it made things more difficult, so you had developed quite the hatred for your developed body. He blushed again at your comment, turning his face to not meet your stare. “I feel like.. I feel like you avoid me when we are home” he said. Of course, Shisui was a genius and he had figured it out.  
“No, it’s not that. Captain Kakashi just works me to the bone when I’m home, he thinks me being out here is like a four month vacation so he thinks he needs to punish me for it when I get back,” hoping that your duties as an ANBU would be enough of a reason to avoid this conversation altogether. You didn’t want to confess to the Uchiha after he had just seen you stark naked in a river. Shisui scowled, not a face that was common on the soft natured boy’s face. 

“What else does Kakashi demand?” he bit out. Ah, jealousy. Shisui’s weakness. When you both were genin and chunin you had another male teammate, who had confessed to you pretty early on and who was just as powerful as the two of you, and Shisui had been jealous. Of the boy’s power and his ability to freely confess to whomever he liked without the blood constraints of a clan. It was the same friend who you had lost on a mission that awakened Shisui’s sharingan. That jealously had now carried over into your teenage years you could see. You could understand why Kakashi was the victim of Shisui’s negative feelings as well. You spent a lot of time with the copy ninja, he was your captain after all, and there was a mutual respect there that had potential to turn into something more once you had met adulthood. You weren’t naïve, you did not want to feed into the fairytale forbidden love clique that you had read about in books when you were young, or that the princess that you had guarded droned on about day after day, only for you to remind her that she would marry whoever the hell was best for the Land of Fire. That’s what you believed too; you would marry whoever the hell was the best in the Village of the Leaf. As sexist as it sounded, you understood your more biological duties as kunoichi, especially an elite one that could bring good breeding to another’s (accepting) clan. These were conversation you and Kurenai often had when you would spend the night at her place, after her father had so crudely reminded her of her duty as a woman infront of all the young shinobis the night of the Nine Tails attack. You didn’t have time to chase after an untouchable Uchiha, so if eventually it was Kakashi Hatake you married, you would learn to love him and you would give him children, and you would perform your duties as a kunoichi with grace, like you had been taught. 

“Does it matter?” you asked, there was pain in your voice. Kakashi was demanding of you yes, but emotionally stunted as he was, he would never make a move on you, but you needed to get it through to the Uchiha, that you weren’t his property. He looked hurt by your comment. 

“You will marry a pretty Uchiha girl, and I will marry another elite ninja from our village, do the details in between really matter Shisui?” you said solemnly. 

“You don’t know that. I can talk to Fugaku. They respect me,” he said grabbing your chin so you would look at him. It wasn’t just a confession; no this was something more. This was a “I’ll talk to my clan leader to see if I can marry outside my bloodlines”. You laughed, it was cruel of you, but him pulling this was just as cruel. He wanted to fan the tiny bit of hope that you held in your heart for him.

“You really think that old man Fugaku will allow you to marry me?” tears welled up in your eyes as you held his stare. You were the best of the best, pretty, smartest at the academy, strongest among all kunoichi, top tier breeding from a distinguished and respected clan, you could hold your own when it came to fighting with him or Kakashi for that matter, a well-trained medical ninja and you had a mission success rate that rivaled ninjas with decades of experience on you, but despite all of that you would never be good enough for the Uchihas. The tears made their way down your face, a shinobi was not supposed to cry. He moved both of his hands up to hold your face and leaned in and kissed under each of your eyes, trying to kiss the tears away. You sat there stunned and he leaned back to look at you, before leaning in again to place a gentle kiss on your lips. You returned the kiss, just this once you told yourself, you had been so disciplined throughout life. You deserved to give in to this childish fantasy just once. 

That “just once” turned into multiple times and gifts, hushed confessions of love within the safety of the capital walls. Shihui would bring you your favorite items from the village whenever he made return trips home and the princess would gush on to you about your secret admirer, who you knew was no secret at all. When you returned to the Village Hidden in the Leaves that fall you would wait until everyone was asleep and you and Shisui would share stories and kisses along the riverbank where you would gaze at the stars and the slowly vanishing fireflies, the nip of the oncoming fall in the air as Shisui would hold you in his strong arms. You tried not to think of what tomorrow would bring, or the future, you were both young and deserved to be stupid for the time being. With pressure from the village, and his loyalty to his clan, you both believed that you deserved these fleeting moments of happiness. That summer dragged into years and before you knew it you both were sixteen. 

There were rumors regarding his clan, and Shisui grew more stressed by the day. You had moved into your own place at this point and he would flicker in without warning. He took solace in your arms. You both shared moments that were not like that of the innocent kisses you shared at thirteen, now fueled by teenage hormones and adult responsibilities. Your moans and whimpers lost in the night, and you cursed yourself for it every time. You knew that it was hard on Shisui too, everyone in the village knew you as the most elidable bachelorette. You were given confessions time after time, and you would turn them down with blush and explain that you just wanted to focus on being the best shinobi that you could be at the moment. Your teammates however, mostly all knew this was one big fat white lie. Itachi had joined Team Kakashi not so far back, and you had a sneaking suspicion that he knew exactly what was going on with you and Shisui. He had always watched yours and Kakashi’s interactions closely, you laughed internally and found it more than amusing that Shisui would share his insecurities with the boy but you and Itachi soon grew in your bond as you understood the stress of what was happening with his clan. You would bring him and Tenzo freshly made dango and you would always treat your team to a homemade meal at your place after a long mission. All three of the young men appreciating the gesture. You were the medic of the group, so you always had some energy to spare at the end of your missions.  
One occasion when you were hosting the three young men at your house, Itachi noticed the framed photo of your genin team. “Is that Shisui” he had asked. You looked up from your cooking as did Kakashi from his spot on your living room floor, waiting for your response. You offered a smile to the ravenette.  
“Yes, back when we were genin. I believe the three of us were five when that photo was taken.” Itachi hummed in response, not asking any further questions, perhaps solidifying any theories that he may have held about the two of you, you weren’t really sure, but you would have to ask Shisui the next time you got to see him. The weeks leading up to Shisui’s ‘death’ had been filled with stress. You were constantly anxious and Kakashi had about had enough of it, often lecturing you about brining your anxious energy on missions. You had known about Shisui’s plan to stop the coup d’état and you believed he could do it, but you didn’t trust Danzo as far as you could throw him. You had saved Kakashi from the old man on one incident and you had known the horrors that poor Tenzo had went through while he was with the Foundation. You had often caught him staring at you as well, which you would sneer but keep your mouth shut as he was a village elder. No, you had a bad feeling about this whole thing. 

“Please be careful around Danzo,” you whispered one night as you laid on Shisui’s bare chest. You could tell from the aggression in the activities that you had both just partook in that he was anxious as well, taking it out on your willing and pliant body. He stroked your hair and kissed the top of your head. 

“It’ll be fine” he assured, “And if this works, perhaps I can use the same method to convince Fugaku to let me marry you.” 

“That’s not important right now,” you huffed into his skin. He had always been reckless when it came to his feelings with you, he wanted to love you in the open, he wanted to people to know you were his. It was the most Uchiha part about him, his love and passion. The village came first though, then his clan, then you. “It’s always important to me” he shot back. You didn’t want to fight with him, so you just lifted your head and kissed him, swinging your leg over his hips and sitting up, breaking the kiss. You felt his arousal, and smirked, looking down at him, his sharingan activated at the sight of you straddling his hips, as naked as you were that day in the river. 

“Shisui Uchiha, I will forever be yours, as long as you allow it. I don’t care about the village, and silly, archaic clan rules. I don’t care about the endless confessions from random ninjas and samurais, as long as you are here, I will be yours.” You moved your hips fully feeling his arousal now, to emphasis your point. He let out a groan and grabbed your hips. You couldn’t tell if his pleasure was from you fully submitted yourself verbally to him, or from your teasing. “But, that means you have to stay around always, so no other dumb male ninja can whisk me away” you shot a warning glance down to him. Knowing that he could be reckless and stupid, and sacrificial should the need arise. He looked up at you, away from your body, and your seductions, almost alarmed. He wanted to shield you from anything that he was planning, even worst-case scenarios, in the end he had to protect his clan’s name, the village, and ultimately you. But you had known him too well, over ten years of friendship and you could practically read his mind. You decided to give him this warning in the way you knew he would understand, you lifted your hips and sank down on him slowly, never breaking your eye contact, despite the sharingan’s intimidating glaze looking back at you. 

“If you leave me here, some other man will whisk me away, and I’ll allow it. I won’t spend my life alone, and some other man will get to experience this” you saw the wrath in his eyes, he bucked into you and you let out a sharp moan. He sneered and grabbed your hips and flipped the two of you over, there were no other words exchanged that nights other than each other’s names, and the occasional “you’re mine” from the Uchiha. That morning you had been covered in bruises from the previous night, you had gone to heal them but was stopped by Shisui who practically demanded that you leave them be. Kakashi just stared you down when you reported to your mission that morning, your neck covered in purple spots.

It was less than a week later that you had been told the news of Shisui’s death. Your heart hurt, and you weren’t even able to mourn, you had returned to your home after the mission and sobbed. Your heart hurting more than you ever expected, you didn’t want to be alone, but yet you had no one to go regarding this. No one knew about the two of you and if they did, they weren’t supposed to. Kakashi’s words from the one training session rang in your mind and you cursed yourself through your sobs. This was always going to end in heartbreak, and you were smart enough to know this, but you still leaned in anyways. What you didn’t know was that Shisui was going to up and kill himself. How could he? You were angry, hurt, and heartbroken all at the same time. Trying to understand, trying to make sense of it. What made you even more angry is that Danzo of all people was the one to break this news to you, in front of your team, minutes before you left for a mission. You sneered thinking about the old man and screamed into one of your pillows. 

You had decided to leave your house, you had purchased the place at the young age of 15 wanting your own space. You had meant for it to be a safe haven away from all bad things, a place where you could bring your team and your love, not together of course, but still. You had worked so hard on it, filling it with plants and paintings, tending to the garden as if it was your own child, you even had a few strays that had taken up with you. Yes, you needed to feel these emotions elsewhere. You went to the riverbank where you and Shisui would star gaze and laid on the ground, your face was puffy and swollen. You looked to the stars and took in the running water of the river. You took it all in and you let yourself feel the pain that you knew needed to be felt. You shot up when you had heard footsteps, you looked to see Itachi behind you, he held a letter in his hand and he looked solemn, but that wasn’t anything new for him. 

“I’m sorry,” he stated offering you the letter in his hand, he wasn’t coming to you as a teammate. You both understood this. He was coming to you as your lover’s best friend. He had the day off so you did not see him during your mission from the day. 

“I am too. You meant the world to Shisui” you explained taking the letter from him wiping your tears with your other hand, knowing exactly what it was. A letter filled with apologies and forever ‘I love you’s’, you wanted to be mad right now, so you decided to save it for when you needed the love that he had left behind. Itachi could read your mood, as you would expect from a teammate. 

“It was Danzo. He attacked Shisui before the clan meeting tonight. It’s.. it’s as if he wants the coup to happen” Itachi said, trying to make you understand. You gaped up at him, practically in shock partially out of the pure wrath that you were currently feeling towards Danzo. You blinked, not surprised that Itachi knew that you knew about this mess. “He took his sharingan, and he was poisoned and attacked, he thought this was the only way” Itachi continued. Tears continued to flow from your face as you tried to process his words. Itachi gave you one last look, before he turned to leave. 

“You would have made an excellent Uchiha, Y/N. I hope you can forgive him” he disappeared after that. Leaving you to attempt to process the overload of information you were just given. You thought about killing Danzo, yes that was a valid option, he had tried to kill your captain that one time, and now, in a way, he had taken Shisui from you. You thought of the reparations of these actions though, and it caused you stop. You would be killed as well, which was fine, death didn’t bother you, but your team. Your team would be questioned and suspected, and your clan would be shamed. You knew deep down that Danzo’s years were numbered, he had made many enemies and would continue to do so. Someone would do this deed for you eventually, the thought made you smile. You hoped that you would eventually have the chance to thank that person when the time came. 

Years went by, and suddenly you found yourself a full-fledged adult. You had coped through the loss of Shisui by trying to enjoy each day and put it behind you, but your anger for Danzo had left a burning pit in your stomach. You had often found your favorite flower at your doorstep, or when you were at the palace, you really thought nothing of it. It wouldn’t be the first confession or secret admirer who found out about your favorite flower. Other odd things often occurred, like how your home was always clean upon arriving back from your missions at the capital and you would often see a lone crow perched on the tree outside your windows, watching you curiously and closely. But you refused to let your mind wonder on it too long, besides it wouldn’t be an issue soon. You had recently come across Lady Tsunade during one of your travels and her traveling companion Shizune, and you had convinced them to take you own as her student. Knowing that you couldn’t take much more of the ANBU or the village in general for the time being, you needed a break, and you were not ready for the new wave of confessions that were bound to come your way now that you were an adult. It was the night before you were to going to tell the Hokage about your plan to travel with Tsunade when you saw a hawk requesting your presence with your fellow ANBU. You threw on your gear and approached your team, seeing Tenzo and Kakashi. 

“Where’s Itachi? And what’s the mission” you asked through your mask. 

“Y/N, there’s been an incident…” Kakashi started, you coked your head in confusion. 

“At the Uchiha compound” Tenzo finished for your Captain. 

“What kind of incident?” you asked in a hushed voiced. Was Itachi okay? What about Shisui’s mom? With no son or husband remaining the poor woman couldn’t take much more. You had often sent her food that you had made and vegetables that you had grown from your garden, and before her husband passed you had sent along different medicines and herbs to assist with his pain. Of course, she only knew of you as Shisui’s teammate from childhood, but she had always been kind to you when she saw you out and about and thanked you for your kindness and friendship to her son. 

“You’ll see” Kakashi said solemnly. When you arrived at the compound with the remaining ANBU you were shocked to find dead bodies and blood everywhere. 

“What… what happened?” you chocked out. Children and elders and everyone in between laid in the streets. 

“Itachi…” Tenzo started. You snapped your head to look at him. 

“He wouldn’t,” you practically gasped out, no you wouldn’t believe it. 

“Let’s start checking bodies, see if we can find any survivors” Kakashi said, he had a tone of warning in his voice, as if to say that he did not have time for your emotions. You started to check pulses, out of the corner of your eye you could see the body of Shisui’s mom, and you felt a rush of pain to your heart, tears welled up at the scene around you. It was obvious she was not alive, so you didn’t even bother. You then saw the body of a young boy that you recognized as Itachi’s younger brother, and you felt his chakra, a moment of fleeting hope ran through your veins as you ran to him and pressed your fingers to his pulse. You felt a heartbeat and picked him up, calling out that you found a survivor. You promised yourself you would protect him with your whole heart, not trusting anyone to take the boy from you. You had often sent Itachi tomatoes from your garden as peace offerings to Sasuke since Itachi bailed on their trainings so many times. You had heard tells of how Shisui would tease the young boy about how he was stronger than Itachi. Though you had never met him, your heart hurt for this child. 

“I’m taking him to the hospital” you explained to the rest of the team, “I’ll be the one to care for him there, please come directly to me if you find anymore survivors.” It was then when you saw Danzo. You had missed the initial part of what he was saying to the others, but you did hear him accuse Itachi of murdering Shisui and you sneered under your mask. How dare he speak of him, you knew Danzo had taken Shisui’s eye and you were certain that Danzo had something to do with all of this, but you held your tongue. Danzo saw you holding the boy and walked closer to you, your hold on Sasuke tightened and you stepped back. Maternal reflexes kicking in, knowing full and well you were prepared to fight and die for the child in your arms. Danzo sensed how you bristled. 

“This must be quite hard for you, Y/N. I understand the Uchihas meant a lot to you” he stated looking you over. You said nothing, focusing on protecting the child in your arms. Kakashi sensed your anger and fear for Sasuke and stepped in between the two of you. 

“Y/N, I’ll come find you at the hospital when we are done here” he explained, permission for you to leave and preventing you from attacking Danzo. 

You hadn’t left Sasuke’s side since arriving at the hospital, he was fine thankfully, but the shock had taken over his body. The hospital had agreed to let you take the boy home with you to care for him there. Your home a more welcoming place where he could mourn, and you could watch over him. Kakashi entered the room as you were packing up your belongings getting ready to take Sasuke home with you.

“There were no other survivors” he said. 

“I figured” you stated, you could cry later. 

“Danzo is blaming it all on Itachi” he explained, you hummed in response not knowing how safe you were to speak about Danzo to him. 

“I’m quitting the ANBU tonight” you said, knowing your heart couldn’t take anymore. Kakashi might have been shocked, but you couldn’t tell due to his mask. “I’m going to study under Lady Tsunade, in a few weeks, please watch over the boy for me once I leave, I don’t trust… people.” Knowing that Kakashi had plenty of guilt attached to the Uchiha clan as well. Kakashi nodded at your request.

“When will you be back?” he asked. He was a lifelong friend so you couldn’t fault him for his questions. 

“I’m not sure, three to four years to get all the training I need I would think. I’ll still be at the capital during the summers” you explained gathering Sasuke in your arms again. He was still out of it. Kakashi just nodded. You walked past him and threw one last look over your shoulder, “Kakashi, let’s promise each other, that when I return, we will both find happiness, yeah?” 

“Yeah, see you later Y/N” he said before you retreated back to your home. You got home and tucked Sasuke into your bed and went to work preparing meals for the next few days, you had spoken with the Hokage and he agreed to let you assist Sasuke with getting set up for life as an orphan. The Hokage knowing good and well that the comfort of a maternal figure would be somewhat of a help to the initial trauma. You mainly didn’t want Danzo anywhere near the child, knowing how deep the man’s hatred was for the clan. You would ensure Sasuke would be successful and you would hopefully watch him fall in love and regrow his clan. You snapped out of your thoughts when you felt another’s chakra outside your house, you slide open your screen doors to find Itachi perched on a tree branch. Your maternal instincts took over again and you bristled. You knew deep down none of this was truly his fault, but the safety of an innocent child was forefront in your mind at the moment. 

“Itachi, what is it? Why shouldn’t I kill you right here?” you spat. You were in pajamas at this point, but you were still posed to fight. 

“Please watch over him, protect him” Itachi said from the tree. 

“I’m leaving to travel soon… Why did you do this?” you couldn’t find the words. He looked away from you. 

“For him” Itachi said simply.

“And just what am I to do if I come across you at some point? What if I have to fight you?” you didn’t want to answer. 

“Then you’ll fight for your village, and for Sasuke. The last of the member of the clan that the man that you loved so much wanted to protect” you were silent, contemplating what he had said. Shisui always wanted to protect his clan, and now apparently that was on you, perhaps that’s why you felt so protective over the boy aside from the natural instincts that came from wanting to protect children in general. 

“Itachi… be honest with me…” he looked at you, waiting for your question you paused, thinking your words through, knowing you were going to sound crazy, but in your mind, it was rational “… is Shisui alive?” There had been no body… an effect of the poison you heard… but you weren’t sure, and you needed to know or at least you thought you did. 

“Do you really want the answer to that Y/N?” he asked. You didn’t answer, turning to go back in your home to care for the boy that you had agreed to care for, to watch over. The future of the Uchiha clan in your hands. No, for now you would just let Shisui be a ghost of your past.


	2. Feathers and Cherry Blossoms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Stalking

There had always been rumors that Shisui hadn't actually died, but you didn’t entertain them. The years had passed, and you were now 22. Sasuke had recently left the village and you were feeling defeated as ever. You couldn’t do the one thing you were asked to do, and the third Hokage had even made it your mission. Protect and watch over the youngest Uchiha. It was as if he was trying to apologize to you for him not being able to save Shisui or any of the other Uchihas’ for that matter. You had even canceled your travels with Tsunade to do so, and only ever being sent on local missions.

You came home after you had found out about Sasuke and cried. Only to hear a knock on your door no even an hour after you had arrived home. You had been out on a mission when Sasuke had left, only to be told by Lady Tsunade after your briefing with her.

‘And to think, he left that poor girl out in the cold on a bench’ you thought to yourself as you got up to get the door, thinking and hoping that you had taught the boy better manners that. You opened the door to find Kakashi Hatake standing there, a sad look in his eye that matched yours.

“Y/N…” he started.

“Oh stop. If you’re going to apologize just don’t bother. You did as much as you could” you waved him off, knowing that the guilt must have been eating at him as well. “Damn Uchihas and the damn guilt that comes with them, am I right?” you sniffled out and forced a smile, knowing good and well about your old captain’s history with Obito. You waved him in.

“You never use the door” you sighed as you went to start making tea. No, Kakashi had a bad habit of crawling through your bedroom window.  
“Well up until last night I had a grouchy teenage boy to sneak around” Kakashi said scratching the back of his neck and hoping that it wasn’t too soon to make light of the situation. You tensed up and he knew he made a mistake.

“Sorry” he said quickly.

“It’s fine” you sighed, putting the kettle on to boil some water. Sasuke was like a feral kitten that you had taken it. You couldn’t force it to stay, all you could do was feed it and love it and hope that it became domesticated and happy over time. Of course, that damn curse mark didn’t help the situation either. As much as you tried to disassociate yourself from the situation at hand, you couldn’t help but think of the boy as a brother at this point, you knew the feelings weren’t returned, but you didn’t mind.

Kakashi had followed you into your kitchen. Bright yellow walls with fresh baked goods on the counter and freshly picked flowers in the windowsill that overlooked your backyard and garden. You hoped and wished to fill it with children, but the genin of team 7 had helped to qualm your maternal urges recently. Naruto had always been over looking for Sasuke, Sakura would shyly come over and you would let her cook or garden with you, and Sasuke would always be there brooding after a mission of some sort, but you would run off to pick fresh tomatoes and cook him his favorite meal and watch as the tension would leave his body. And of course, there was Kakashi. Who had been relatively absent from your life up until Team 7 was formed. And it was almost as if you two were reminded of all the missions and shared times that you guys had before you were thrust into a water-downed version of motherhood. You grew closer and you both watched over Sasuke, strung together by the guilt that Uchiha clan seemed to curse upon the both of you. It confirmed what you had believed all those years, mutual respect that had to opportunity to turn into something more.

There was some age difference on you and Kakashi, four to five years, you really couldn’t remember at this point nor did it matter at this point in adulthood, you were no longer his subordinate. Sasuke would always comments about Kakashi being a pervert when the jonin would shamelessly flirt with you, but you paid no mind to the younger boy’s comments. Maybe you shouldn’t have leaned into whatever it was happening between you and Kakashi, maybe you have focused more on Sasuke, maybe then he wouldn’t have left and felt that he had no one to go to. The tears started up again.

Kakashi noticed and grabbed your wrist so he could pull you closer to him and he used his thumb to wipe them away.

“You never cried over Shisui, but I’ve seen you cry over Sasuke twice now” he murmured. You tensed with Shisui’s name. It had been Kakashi who had reported it to the Hokage that he believed he came across the ghost of a man while out on a mission to gain insight into the Akatsuki. He had come to you right after and it lead to an argument.

“Y/n, I know what I saw. It was a sharingan and the left side of his face was covered” he was almost pleading with you, begging you to believe him. It was a short time after Itachi’s attack on the village but before he had tracked down Naruto.

“It must have been Itachi,” you huffed as you had stomped through your house. 

“It was _his_ chakra signature” Kakashi bit back.

“I don’t have time for this Kakashi. Sasuke will be home any minute now” you had already started making dinner for yourself and the young boy.

“There was no body found, Y/N. You have to start thinking of other possibilities here,” Kakashi argued back.

“What does it matter anyways?” you practically hissed, “The Shisui I knew is dead. Let him stay that way.” Kakashi didn’t mean to hurt you, you had known that, but you couldn’t help but to get defensive.

“Because, you need to accept that the boy that you once…” he stopped thinking his words through clearly and not wanting to admit to himself that you had ever loved anyone else, “Cared for, might now be your enemy. Will you be willing to fight him should you have to? Would you be willing to kill him need be? Protect your team members?” The barrage of questions did not but rile you up more, now offended that your loyalty to the village was being questioned.

“Do you actually care about all of that or do you want me to tell you that he doesn’t matter anymore? That the village is the only thing that matters and that I have forgotten all about the boy that I used to love and moved on to someone else. Is that what you want to hear Hatake?” she sneered. He looked as if she had slapped him with the use of his last name. After their Anbu years she had taken to calling him much cuter names, like Kashi-kun, old man, or pervert to match along with Sasuke’s taunts.

“I care about you, Y/N, and I need to know that you can protect yourself if needed” he signed. It was at that point they both heard the door of the house open and Sasuke walked in. He eyed Kakashi suspiciously.

“Kakashi-Sensei. What are you doing here? I thought we had the day off since you were out on missions” Sasuke drawled. Kakashi and you had done your best at hiding any actual relationship between the two of you, just letting Sasuke believe that it was shameless flirting on Kakashi’s side.

“Kakashi was just leaving. He came by to pick up some vegetables that I grew for Naruto and some flowers for Obito and Rin’s graves” you said as you grabbed a wicker basket from your pantry floor and started filling it with random vegetables from around your kitchen. Kakashi eyed you as if to tell you that the conversation wasn’t over.

“Well that’s good. The dobe needs them after eating all that ramen” Sasuke huffed. You put four small bouquets of daffodils and tulips in the basket and handed if off to your fellow jonin. Springtime brought the best of flowers with it.

“One for Rin, one for your dad, one for Obito” you smiled at him.

“And the forth?” he asked with a tired sigh of defeat.

“Ah yes, if you could be a dear when you go by the Uchiha’s compound to visit Obito’s grave and drop them off at Shisui’s grave I would be grateful. I just find myself too preoccupied with other things here as of lately to make it by there” you held his gaze. It was your way of telling him that you were his, and that you weren’t hanging on to a childhood memory. You were still angry but you wanted to patch things up with the best you could without alerting Sasuke to anything.

“I can do that Y/N” he said with his signature closed eye smile, understanding the meaning behind your words. “Bye, Sasuke, I’ll see you and the others bright and early in the morning” Kakashi waved to the boy as he left.

“Yeah, whatever. Try not to be late,” Sasuke huffed as he crossed his arms, happy that his sensei was no longer in his living space. You went back to your cooking as if nothing had ever happened, and Kakashi never brought up the issue again.

You pulled yourself out of that memory and looked at Kakashi. “Sasuke is a child. He didn’t choose any of this. It was all forced upon him without his permission. Shisui…” you stopped, trying to find the right words, wondering if you should play into the conspiracy and rumors that had made their ways around the village, “Shisui had options. He made that choice for himself. No matter what that choice was.” You cast your gaze down sadly but there was anger laced in your words. You had never really forgiven Shisui’s, despite knowing it wasn’t completely his fault. You were the one that cared for his mother after his death and hid your tears from the public, because a shinobi didn’t cry, and because no one knew the real relationship that the two of you shared. You had agreed to take Sasuke on out of your love for him and the clan that he cared so much about but even that had turned out to be futile in the end. So, you were angry, and if he was alive and apart of this organization, you were going to be even angrier.

“Hmm” Kakashi hummed as he nuzzled your hair with his nose, wanting to make you forget about all the pain. His hands traveled along your body, stopping to attempt to rub the knots out of your shoulders. You sighed and leaned into him more, wondering if you were selfish to want where this was going, at a time like this, but you just wanted to forget the pain that seemed to follow in the footsteps of the Uchicha clan and everyone who associated with them.

Your head shot up as there was a timid knock at the door and you pulled yourself away from Kakashi’s grasp. “I need to go get that. Can you take the water off the boil please?” you asked walking into your living room and to your front door. There you found the little pinkette, her green eyes had bags under them, and her face was red and blotchy like yours. She was much too young to be in this amount of pain, you thought to yourself, cursing Sasuke for pulling this shit.

“Sakura,” you said trying to lace the maternal love back into your voice and attempted to hide your own pain with a smile “What brings you here? Shouldn't you be getting some rest? Lady Tsunade told me about…” You didn’t want the poor thing to have to remember being left out in the cold, in the middle of the night but your words had slipped out of sheer concern.

“I’m sorry,” the girl sniffed, tears threatening to fall from her eyes at any moment, “but I can’t sleep at home and I know that you understand…” Sakura trailed off. Yes, you may not have loved young Sasuke the way that Sakura did, but you did understand.

“Come in” you said pulling her into your home. It was dark, with you not having much time to do anything that throw on the tea earlier. You turned on light as you lead her back to your kitchen and grabbed a candle in an attempt to make things semi-cozy despite the depressed state of things.

“Look who I foun…” you stopped, looking around the kitchen for Kakashi but not seeing him, a piece of paper sat on your kitchen counter with a note. _Sorry, I’ll catch up with you later. Love Kakashi._

‘Coward’ you thought internally. You had also chastised the man for being so unfair to Sakura. He saw her as a gentle thing that needed to be protected, you saw her potential though, her passion and skill. She was as smart as you were at her age. Kakashi also didn’t know how to deal with emotions that came with being a thirteen-year-old girl. Here as of recently, you found yourself doing that more and more often.

Sakura blinked at you, curious as who were speaking to.

“Hmm, I thought one of the cats was in here, must of snuck away while I was answering the door” you said an airy laugh, trying to play it off. You directed her to your table and offered her some tea.

“Have you had food today?” you asked as you headed to your kitchen counter determined to cook something for the girl who looked exhausted. You could deal with your own emotions later.

“No” the girl said looking down at her hands in her lap “But please Y/N-Sensei, you don’t have to make me anything. That’s not why I’m here. I just wanted to be around someone.”

“Nonsense” you chided back to her, you looked at the ingredients that you had laid out to make broiled saury and miso soup with eggplant and rolled your eyes. ‘So much for that’ you thought putting the ingredients up, fresh picked tomatoes that remained sitting on your counter caught your eye as you decided on what to cook the poor girl. You quickly hid them in the pantry, the thought of the them making you sad again, you would donate them to the elderly tomorrow to get them out of your house. 

“Hmm how about onigiri with umeboshi for dinner and then anko dumplings for dessert?” you asked with a smile. The girl smiled and nodded happily, some light returning to her eyes. You knew all of Team 7’s favorite foods, as they frequently all piled up at your house after a mission.

“Perfect, and then we can watch a movie” you said with a smile.

“Y/N-sensei… can I stay here with you tonight?” she asked timidly. You had always wanted siblings, Sasuke was a reminder of that. You loved him fiercely even through his mood swings and as time went on you loved Naruto and Sakura the same. Sakura more so though, as she made the perfect little sister for you to buy things for and watch cheesy dramas with, not to mention, she had the same sweet tooth as you. Something Kakashi and Sasuke were missing.

Her question made you stop in your tracks though. You had thought about the few times that you had been left in your home alone when Sasuke was out on a mission. You had woken up at night almost sensing another’s chakra, but you had always tried to push it off as one of the cats. Though you would try to get yourself back to sleep, it felt as if there were always eyes watching you, no matter how many curtains you hung around your house that you had always enjoyed for its natural sunlight and big windows. A few times you thought you saw a figure standing by your bed, as you would wake in the middle of the night. Then they would be gone. You were never scared per say, but you also had no real concern about your own wellbeing, another trait you and Kakashi seemed to share much to each other’s disapproval. This never occurred when Sasuke was home or when Kakashi had managed to sneak through your window after Sasuke had went to sleep, and if it was night that you were alone and that you really got into your head about it, you would head to Kurenai’s or Anko’s house for a surprise “girl’s night in”. You had thought about asking Kakashi for one of his ninken so that they could sniff out whoever it was, but you didn’t want to deal with Kakashi knowing.

However, you didn’t know about having another girl in the house. Whoever, or whatever, it was knew well enough to stay away from the young Uchiha and the Copy Ninja. But you weren’t sure about Sakura. You did care about her, fiercely, but you knew the girl needed someone tonight, as much as you did as well. Seeing that Kakashi would no longer be taking that place in your bed, you figured that it wouldn’t hurt anything, and you would just have to stay up, not like you would be getting much sleep anyways.

“Sure, I’m sure I have some old pajamas for you to borrow” you said with a smile. The girl’s face perked up, happy that she wouldn’t be spending the night alone, or with her parents who just didn’t understand. She got up from her spot and ran up to hug you, burying her face in your chest.

“Thank you, Y/N-sensei” she said as you patted her back, happy that you could provide her a source a comfort that it seemed you were not able to provide Sasuke for all these years. Making you feel less like a failure.

The evening went on and you and the teenager chatted and tried to ignore the negative emotions that had boiled up through the day. When it was time for bed, Sakura followed you into your room, you thought about offering her the couch or even Sasuke’s room for that matter but then thought it best to keep her near. She almost dove into your bed right away, your plush duvet a welcoming sight with more pillows than anyone person should have. Bags of lavender sprigs tucked into the pillowcases and chamomile plants growing in pots that sat in your windowsill. You had run Sakura a hot bath beforehand, using your favorite oils and bath salts that the princess had gifted you over the years. You had always saved them for something special, but you supposed getting this child to sleep was more important than a self-care night in the future. She hugged one of your pillows as you climbed into bed with her, she then discarded it and snuggled to your side. It had been a long time since you had someone so open to touch. Sasuke barely let you hug him, Kakashi was really only open to cuddles after certain events, so you had always welcomed Sakura’s and Naruto’s hugs and cuddles with open arms. Shisui was always the one who was so open with touching you, he seemed to always be touching you now that you had thought about it. You shook the thoughts out of your head and ran your fingers through Sakura pink locks, her head resting on your chest. You hummed to her to get her to sleep as you read your book. It wasn’t long till you both had fell into a slumber, both of you exhausted from the tears that you had shed that day. A headache threatening to form behind your eyes.

You woke with a start a few hours later. You looked at the clock on your nightstand, 2:00 a.m. Your arm tightened around Sakura’s small frame as you had sensed someone’s charka that wasn’t either of yours. She still slept soundly with her arms wrapped around your midsection. It was the first night that you had truly allowed yourself to feel the chakra signature, you hummed to let whoever, or whatever it was, know that you were awake. It felt familiar, and not threatening, but you still sneered with your nose scrunched up and anger radiated off of you. You were ready to fight, not for yourself, but for Sakura. You heard one of the cats his and caught their yellow eyes staring in a corner of your room where you quickly turned your head to. Any other night you would ignore it, being almost too scared to look in the direction of where you had known there was someone watching you. Not tonight though. The girl in your arms was more important. You saw a flicker in your peripheral vision and what seemed to be a slight flash of red. 

“Who’s there?” you hissed. You were met with silence and then what you thought was a light chuckle that you never thought you would hear again. The hairs on the back of your neck bristled, you felt that you probably resembled one of your cats when they had been spooked. Sakura awoke when you whispered.

“Neechan?” Sakura said sleepily, rubbing her eyes. That word made your heart pound, you had desperately wanted Sasuke to see you as an older sibling for so long, but here Sakura was. You patted her head and pulled her closer to you as you waited to see if the chakra had disappeared. Sure, enough it was gone.

“Shh, it’s okay go back to sleep” you hushed the girl in your arms.

“I felt someone else’s chakra” she said sleepily.  
“It was probably just the cats” you assured her as you climbed out of bed, “I’m going to get some water. I’ll be right back.” You walked down your stairs and followed the chakra signature; you held the kunai that you kept by your bedside.

“I don’t know who you are, but I suggest you leave” you spat out, “If you want to be a pervert and watch me sleep when I’m alone then that is one thing, but to do it when I have a child in my bed is another.” You looked around your living room, the curtains that you kept closed at night prevented any moonlight from filtering in and assisting your eyes in the dark. The chakra signature was gone again, and you sensed it outside of your home. You drew up the courage to follow it, tired of the sleepless nights it had caused you, ready to get some answers for your questions, ready to confront your suspicions. You walked out onto your porch and it was gone again. You walked around to the tree that reach up to your bedroom to investigate further. You saw a black feather at the base of it and you leaned down to pick it up, holding it in your hands. You heard a crooning of a raven above you and your head shot up, your heart practically beating out of your chest. It sat on a branch that was completely even to your bedroom window, the same branch that Kakashi would sit on as he would wait for you to wake up some mornings.

The raven stared back at you, as if the two of you were locked into a staring contest. You breathed out heavily and finally shifted your gaze. “I’m not sure what it is you want. But… know that your choices have led to this. I believed that I warned you, all those years ago, that I wouldn’t spend my life alone,” you said as you turned your back to the tree, ready to go back inside and escape the balmy summer night air. There was no sympathy in your voice, only sadness for yourself. You weren’t sure if you were speaking into the void or if the bird that watched you intently would carry your message back to its owner. You really didn’t care, your mind made up about several things in that one moment. You dropped the feather that you had been holding and walked back inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The meal that Y/N was going to prepare before Kakashi left her to deal with a weeping Sakura alone is Kakashi's favorite meal and the meal that she made Sakura was Sakura's favorite meal. 
> 
> Sorry that I don't have a ton of time to update but if you are reading and enjoying it, thank you so much. It's such a random story but I wanted it to happen so here we are haha 
> 
> I'll try to update asap.


	3. Lectures and Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in two days? Who am I? Oh wait, someone with actual time on their hands. Enjoy loves

The next day you required so much coffee you could barely see straight. You first had to report to the hospital and then you had a meeting with Lady Tsunade later in the day. Probably about your change in responsibilities now that Sasuke was gone. They day drug on and you couldn’t help but feel shaken after the events last night. You were one of the most elite shinobi out there, out of all the hidden villages, but here you were, scared over what felt it could be a ghost story. You knew you had also been out of practice for so long, mainly taking on medical assignments that were close to home and required very little fighting. You would have to ask Kakashi to spar with you later, it would be like back in your Anbu days where he would push you to the point of vomiting, you wondered if he could now that the dynamic of your relationship has changed so much. You wouldn’t put it past him, you knew he could disassociate pretty well need be. Kakashi was the reason that you eventually became more skilled then Shisui. Training day after day, eventually the only two in the village who could take you on were Itachi and Kakashi.

You looked at your arms that had obviously lost their defined and lean shape over the years, it’s not that you were out of shape, just not as toned as you used to be, not as hard. A certain softness that came with being an adult woman. That wouldn’t do, you couldn’t be weak, not with the Akatsuki running around and what if you had the opportunity to save Sasuke? And then there was your situation at home, you had to be able to protect yourself, end of story.

After five cups of coffee and your rounds at the hospital it was time for your meeting with Lady Tsunade. You knocked on her office doors after making your way down to the Hokage office. The Anbu stationed there quickly let you in. There sat the Hokage herself along with the elders and Danzo. You suppressed a sneer that threated to grace your face. You weren’t normally a hostile person in any way but there was something about the about the man that made you want to scratch his remaining eye out. Revenge perhaps, vengeance for what he had done to Shisui? Not to mention there was a faint charka signature that was distinctly different than Danzo’s, in fact, it was eerily similar to the one that seem to haunt your house here as of lately when you were left alone. Itachi had claimed that Danzo attempted to take one Shisui’s eyes, but you weren’t sure what to believe anymore. 

You didn’t entertain the thought of revenge for long, not wanting to end up like your ward that had just deserted the village not even 48 prior to this conversation. 

“Good afternoon, Y/N. How are you?” Lady Tsunade greeted with a smile, she must have sensed your hostility toward Danzo. You knew she wasn’t a fan either after she had dragged you out drinking with her one of the first nights she was Hokage and revealed too many personal feelings about the elders. She had already been drinking heavily when she managed to drag you away from whatever errand you were running that day.

_“You took on your dead lover’s relative as a ward just like me! Let’s go drink! We can discuss you training under me now that I’m back in the village” her cheeks were rosy as she slapped you on your back, tensing up at her speaking so openly about your relationship with Shisui. You had confided in her when you met her years ago after you believed Shisui was dead. You were both in the middle of the market, you were trying to pick up some fresh fish but found yourself being dragged to the closest sake bar._

_“I really should get home to Sasuke” you argued._

_“Nonsense! Kakashi will run them so ragged they won’t be able to see straight when they get back, so no worries there! Just like he did you when you were an Anbu!” she said excitedly pushing the sake glass into your hand. “Speaking of Kakashi…” the woman started eyeing you suggestively. Were there really no secrets in this village anymore? You knew the answer to that thought, sadly there were still too many of them. Your relationship status being the least of anyone’s concerns._

Brought back to reality, you smiled at her. She was gorgeous, you had often been compared to her in looks and beauty, a compliment that you took highly.

“Good afternoon, Lady Hokage and elders” you responded.

“We’re here to talk about your new responsibilities now that your ward has deserted the village” Danzo explained to you. The tone of his voice inflected that it was your fault that Uchiha up and left, but you knew good and well how stubborn that clan was and that there was likely nothing you could have done to prevent that.

“I will take you as my apprentice, and you will start taking on more A and S rank missions. As you are aware, we are short on jonin at the moment, so your skills are needed out on missions, while fine tuning your medical skills under me. Is that understood?” Lady Tsunade asked you.

“Yes mam. I greatly appreciate you and the opportunity, and I will do my best to serve the village like I once did” you bowed.

“Good. It’s time you start living for yourself and I’m excited to see your progress,” she smiled again and the she turned to the elders, “Now if you don’t mind, I would like to speak to Y/N alone.” Your face dropped, what could this possibly be about. The elders excused themselves. You bowed as they left and then turned back to Lady Tsunade, she looked at you with compassionate eyes. You were happy that you made a good impression on her all those years ago, you had heard horror stories of her lack of compassion, including the one from when Kakashi woke up in the hospital and she criticized his skill. You spent days cleaning up his ego, and Sasuke’s for that matter seeing it was right after Itachi beat him. Men.

“How are you actually doing?” she asked, “I know this situation must be difficult on you.”

“Heh, as well as I can I suppose. I feel guilty, but I’m starting to think that just kinda follows around anyone who involves themselves with that cursed clan” you let out a tight laugh, more like a scoff.

“Hmm” Lady Tsunade contemplated you and what she was about to say for a moment before she spoke again. “Sakura came to me this morning.” You cocked your head in confusion, the girl left your house looking as happy as she possible could despite the events from the last few days. Lady Tsunade continued.

“She told me she stayed with you last night. It was kind of you to comfort her in such a time of need. However,” she stopped again, her chin resting on her hands and she propped herself on her desk with her elbows, “She told me there was an unknown chakra signature in your house last night.” Shit. You frowned not wanting to hear what was next. “She said you essentially chased it out of your home, before returning to bed.”

“I figured it was just a cat, I just went to get water when I left bed and I had heard a noise outside, so I went to investigate” you tried to explain, looking aware from the woman’s concerned stare.

“Y/N. We both know that you are a skilled enough shinobi to read chakras. Even the genin is able to tell the difference between a cat and a human. Especially a human that is somewhere where they shouldn’t be” Tsunade sounded more concerned than upset, but you knew exactly where this conversation was going. You said nothing and she sighed.

“Don’t you think that house is too big for just you? You’re young and pretty and alone now. Have you thought about _roommates?”_ you knew what she was inferring. _Why don’t you move in with Kakashi?_ That was the hidden question there.

“I know the village is safe m’lady. I feel that I have no reason to be concerned. Though I can’t explain the chakra, I have no concerns with my safety and it’s my home. I have countless memories there” you tried to argue your case but Tsunade’s brow furrowed.

“Y/N stop playing dumb” she snapped, her patience with you had ran out, and you gulped. “Our village is safe yes, but even our best ninjas can’t stop someone who has more than mastered the Body Flicker Technique.” There is was. You grimaced at her implications.

“How long have you noticed this foreign chakra” she asked you.

“A lot… since.. well you know. Then once Sasuke’s sharingan activated, only when he was off on missions with Kakashi” knowing honesty was going to be the best policy here. Pieces coming together. Of course, someone with the sharingan wouldn’t make themselves known with someone else who possessed the sharingan. Kakashi and Sasuke provided her protection with their jutsu alone, though Shisui was more skilled with his than the two of them combined.

“I know how you feel. I know what it’s like to lose someone that you love so much, but you need to stop protecting him. I’m afraid you’re putting yourself in grave danger here. Politically you are very important. You have the ear of the feudal lord more than most of his samurai and advisors, enough to influence this village should you wish, and you are one of the most elite ninjas that this village has produced. Think about what could happen if the enemies got their hands on you. Death would be the easiest way out, but I’m sure they would have more than that planned if they were to kidnap you. And then add the Uchiha’s boy powerful jutsu on top of it” her lecture made you wince. It’s true, you held a lot of power with how much the feudal lord trusted you, and with how many jutsus you knew. But the thought of Shisui harming you in anyway, that seemed impossible, then again you could barely process the thought of him being alive and working with the enemy, so you supposed you had a lot to think about. You looked away from the woman’s intense gaze as you spoke.

“Even if it is him, I’ve.. I’ve moved on. I have more to live for and I don’t love him anymore. I love the memory that I keep of him, but if it’s all true, I could never love someone who wants to cause harm to our village, and that wouldn’t be the Shisui that I fell in love with” you plead your case. She studied you and she thought about what you had just said.

“Good. I think it’s best for you to leave the Uchiha clan behind you. Leave Sasuke to Kakashi and the others as far as Itachi and perhaps even Shisui, you won’t intentionally be put on any missions to deal with them. And please think about what I said earlier. It really is time for you start living for yourself.” You nodded. “I’ll have an Anbu stand guard outside your house till whatever this is goes away.” Your shoulders slumped noticeably. Tsunade smirked at your utter defeat, she knew you were fiercely independent, it’s why she like you so much. Your freedom was just taken from you, all because your not so dead ex-lover had to make himself known. You scowled, you felt the pettiness and angry grow within you. Shisui was always one to push your buttons, he always had to be in control. Two steps ahead of you. Mind made up about a few things, you excused yourself and thanked Lady Tsunade for the opportunity to study under her along with her wise words. As you walked down the halls of the Hokage palace you saw the familiar mess of white hair and masked face that you had grew quite fond of recently. You smiled and offered a small wave.

“Why Y/N. Fancy seeing you here” he offered his closed eye smile to you. You smirked at his effort to make it seem that you two were friends and nothing else.

“Hmm yeah, especially after I was left alone to deal the emotions of a heartbroken teenage girl all by myself last night. Such a shame too, I had the perfect meal, and _dessert_ planned if I could have shaken her off with some assistance” knowing good and well he didn’t have a sweet tooth but knowing how he was weak for other things after dinner. Kakashi blushed and rubbed the back of his neck out of embarrassment.

“I’m sorry about that. Really, why don’t you let me make it up to you tonight? My place, or we can go out?” he offered in a hushed voice in case anyone was around. You crossed your arms and pouted at him in mock anger.

“How do I know you want stand me up again? Or leave me alone with a heart broken teenager by myself? Tonight it could be Naruto, I saw that Sasuke did a number on him” you questioned, lips still pouted.

“You know good and well he’s still resting in the hospital. And I’ve already seen and spoken to Sakura today. I’m actually quite happy that she stayed the night with you last night. Her report was quite eye-opening, and I think we should talk during dinner.” Fuck. His tone had changed from one of playful to one of seriousness as he eyed you. 

“God-dammit” you hissed losing your composure “I would like one aspect of my life to not be dictated by a bunch of 12 and 13-year-olds. I already spoke with Tsunade, she’s giving me an Anbu to stand guard.” You wondered if he would launch into a lecture like Tsunade.

“Hmm well that’s a start. But I’m sure there are other solutions we can discuss tonight” he softened. Something in his eye that was welcoming and warm. You knew exactly how cold the man could be when he wanted to, but you saw nothing, but concern and adoration etched in his gray eye and your heart melted. You truly did forget all about Shisui in that moment as you ran into his arms, not caring who saw. He tensed; you could tell you had thrown him off as it had always been your choice to keep things quite about the two of you.

“Y/N” he whispered.

“I don’t care anymore Kakashi. Fuck it. I just want you. Fuck the Uchihas’ and the curses that follow them around” you practically clung to his vest.

“As much as I appreciate hearing that, this perhaps isn’t the place” he said as he gently peeled you off of him, his eye was still kind though, and filled with understanding as he lifted your chin to meet his gaze. “I’m looking forward to tonight” he said kissing your forehead.

“Me too” you smiled softly at him, the happiest you had been since Sasuke left. Your resolve to move on from all of this was strong, you would forgive the young boy should he decide to come back to the village one day, but you decided to bury all feeling for the other members of his clan who still roamed the night. Till Sasuke had some sense beat into him you would make the most of your current situation and take advantage of the handsome man that you were currently starting at.

“Oh, I meant to ask you if we could train tonight. I need to brush up on somethings before I start getting sent out on S-ranks” you said, not looking forward to the abused that he would most likely put you through but knowing it had to be done. He contemplated you for a moment and smirked.

“Tonight, we can get our energy out in other ways. Tomorrow, we can start training, sound good?” you blushed at his words and nodded.

“Your place then,” you said walking off “I’ll see you tonight.” There was a skip in your step and a flutter in your heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay okay. So Im sorry it's more of a Kakashi/Reader story (I mean I love Kakashi so much so Im not that sorry), but I promise there will be some Shisui material as well. It's going to be angsty my friends. And perhaps a face to face meeting next chapter? We shall see.


	4. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy, I got tired of editing half way through so my apologies if there are errors. I will go back and read over again later in the week!

Kakashi opened his door for you and you were hit with a wave of savory smells. You were holding a basket of fresh vegetables and a bouquet of flowers, but it didn’t seem to matter as everything was already prepared. You took in the sight on the table. Grilled fished, steamed rice and vegetables, miso soup, and sake. 

“All of this for me?” you asked smiling at him.

“Hmm I figured we both deserved it. It hasn’t been the easiest week for either of us and congratulations are in order since Lady Tsunade has decided to take you as a student despite the fact that you stood her up all those years ago” he said as he took the basket of items from you and started searching for a vase for the flowers. 

“I didn’t ‘stand her up’. Lord Third gave me an ungrateful brat to look after until you could take over” you said, shooting him a glare. Your words were bitter but there was still some fondness in them for the Uchiha boy.

“And we both failed. Me at teaching, you at mothering. What a pair we make” he said grimly.

“I don’t think we could have planned for the curse mark. I think there are just some things out of our control in this situation, you know?” you said as you poured yourself some sake. You didn’t need to rehash this conversation with another person, you had already had it in your mind several times. Questioning your ability to raise to a child safely and being able to protect and love them. These questions were even louder seeing as the one that you would prefer to do that with, who was currently standing in his kitchen trying to find a vase for the flowers that you had brought, had also failed at his mission when it came to the boy. Kakashi saw the sad look that had crossed your face when he turned back to you.

“Hey, I was kidding. You were great and you’ll make a great mother one day” he said as he hurried to be by your side. It was as if he could read your thoughts. You nodded as you took a sip from your sake cup. He sighed and sat down with you.

“Speaking of children, can we talk about what Sakura told me about last night” you braced yourself for a lecture, and hell possibly a break-up. You wouldn’t have blamed him. “I’m not mad. Just concerned. I can’t imagine the situation you’re in, and if it was me and one of my old teammates… well I can’t say that I wouldn’t be trying to protect them as well.” Teammates was the conservative way of putting what you and Shisui had been, but you weren’t going to get into that. 

“But I can’t sit by and watch it happen. We grew up together, you and I, fought on the team for years, and lately… I just can’t imagine loosing you” Kakashi wasn’t one to verbalize feelings, more like one to verbalize how good your ass looked on a specific day or to openly comment about how your mouth could be put to much better use whenever you were sassing him or arguing with him. No Kakashi wasn’t fond of actual displays of emotions.

“Lady Tsunade already has an Anbu stationed at my house. And I’m sorry for not telling you, I thought… well I really don’t know what I thought, but I’m sure with the Anbu there things will be different” you tried to explain. Kakashi just looked you over and eventually signed. 

“I know how much you enjoy your independence. I would suggest sending one of my ninkin with you but…” he stopped to observe your face, which was currently displaying a look of disgust. 

“Last time you left me alone with those… those beasts... they ridiculed me until I cried. And they chase the cats. I would rather be kidnapped by the Akatsuki” you practically snarled. Kakashi smiled and held his hands up in defeat. 

“It was just Pakkun and Biscuit, the others are quite fond of you” he explained sheepishly. 

“I don’t care Kakashi.”

“Fine fine. My other solution…” he stopped as you perked up at whatever option two might be, “Is that you move in with me? If you want that is, I mean I know it’s a big step and people would know about us.. and I know what it would eventuall..”

You cut him off.

“Yes” you said practically leaning into his lap.

“That was easier than I thought…” Kakashi said staring at you. You sighed and looked down to the counter of the table. 

“Every choice that I’ve made from 13 years on has been focused around the Uchihas’. I barely know who I am at this point, but.. I do know how I feel about you, and I know that you were able to bring back a light in me that I had thought I had lost forever.” He hummed at your explanation.

“Y/N, can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Why did you denounce your clan?” You were taken a back and you laughed that it even mattered at this point or that anyone in the village remembered. 

“Hmmm well where should I start? My parents dying in the third war? My clan being so focused on bloodlines that they practically suffocated me, their strict and archaic rules and beliefs that controlled each detail of my life down to the people I was allowed to be around, or them planning to marry me off to whichever Senju claimed me first?” you had always tried to forget your family history but you supposed it made sense that Kakashi would want to know. 

“And you didn’t want to marry who they wanted?” he asked, curious. Your clan had been well off, and you would have been set for life after your mission in the capital had ended.

“Nope.”

“I’m guessing you thought you would marry Shisui?” It was an awkward question, but Kakashi figured he deserved to know if you were going to be moving in with him. You looked at him and smiled a sheepish smile. Memories flooding your mind of when you used to tell people who you would marry. 

“Wrong actually Hatake. Shisui was disillusioned when it came to the two of us. I always knew good and well we wouldn’t have a happily ever after. I may not be a Senju, but I have enough Senju blood in me to ensure that never happened, and the Uchiha golden boy was only going to ever be allowed another Uchiha.” You brought your knees to your chest and rested your chin on them. 

“Then who?” Kakashi persisted, which you had known that Kakashi out of all people was not going to let sleeping dogs lie.

“If I wasn’t going to be able to marry for love, then I at least wanted the ability to marry for skill. To be able to pass on my genes and another’s to create a better generation for the Leaf.” 

“A breeding kink. Interesting” Kakashi said. You shot him a glare.

“This isn’t one of Jaraiya’s books Kakashi.”

“And just what poor shinobi were you planning on having a loveless marriage with Y/N?”

“You. There was such an age difference at the time, it was hard to see anything romantic, but I knew we had a certain respect for each other and enough in common to make it work if we had to.”

“Hm, we are the best-looking shinobi in the village so that makes sense.” You cracked a smiled at his comment, happy that he didn’t take offense to your statement. 

“Between the whole ‘no parents’ thing, dead teammates, and our superior skills and intellect, I figured it would work.”

“You left out the guilt-trip from the Uchihas’ and the failed the student that we took on.”

“HA” you practically spat out your sake, “Stop it.” You couldn’t suppress your laugh. It was born from pain and hurt and bordered on the insanity that you felt deep within your soul. 

“Well Y/N. You would be happy to know that I would be happy to make it work with you” Kakashi said with his signature closed eye smile. 

“Hatake, I don’t just want to ‘make it work’ with you, I care about you, I want to be with you. Things have obviously changed since we were teenagers and children” you said as you crawled into his lap and letting his arms wrap around you as you buried your face in the crook of his neck. 

“We’ll start moving things in tomorrow. How does that sound?” he kissed the top of your head and petted your hair. The weight of the week’s emotions had finally come crashing down on you as tear overflowed from your eyes as you remained hidden in Kakashi’s neck. 

He had eventually carried you to his bed, where he rubbed your back until you passed out. He couldn’t even fathom the emotions that you had experienced over the past few days. Between Sasuke and Shisui, your heart had to be heavy and confused. He shortly followed you to sleep, resting well knowing that you were safe by his side and would be for here on out.

The next morning rolled around and you woke up slowly. Engulfed by a shuriken patterned blanket and sunlight. You stretched taking it all in. Your head hurt from your tears the previous night and you saw water and a note on the nightstand next to you. You read it over.

Lady Tsunande called me for a meeting. Sorry I can’t help today, but I look forward to seeing you settled in OUR home when I get back – Love Kakashi. 

You sighed as you drank the water that he had left out for you. You shouldn’t have been surprised. Orochimaru’s attack left the village short on jonin. You decided to go ahead and get up to get started, it was quite the trek from Kakashi’s to your place, seeing that you lived closer to the outskirts of the village to be near nature. The was spent with you back and forth between your place and Kakashi’s, soon the sun started to go down and you arrived back at your place to grab the last few boxes of personal items that you would need to cohabit with a man. Most of your furniture and unneeded items would be left there, hopefully to be returned to when you were prepared to have a family. One of your neighbors stopped you on your way back in. 

“Y/N-Chan” she was a sweet old lady that you had often baked for and gave your extra vegetables to. You gave her a smile as she walked up to you. “Where are you going child?”

“Ah, well you see, the shortage of jonin has caused me to go back into active duty and Lady Tsunade thinks the place is too much for me to keep up with alone, so I’m moving into town” you explained with a smile, not needing the conservative judgments from one of the local obaasan.

“What a shame my dear, I watched you grow up here, ever since you were 15. Between running around with the Uchiha boys, and then the little ones that seem to have recently taken up here, you must be quite sad at all the memories you’re leaving behind.” Memories of you running around with Shisui and Itachi played in your mind, one stood out specifically, the first day that you had moved in. 

“There’s a huge garden space! And it’s so modern with a lot of natural light!” You had just turned 15 and Shisui had dragged Itachi along to see the place that you had proudly purchased on your own. 

“Hmm must be nice to have the highest paying assignment” Shisui said, trying to poke at your nerves. Itachi elbowed his cousin for his rudeness towards you.

“Oh hush. It’s not easy chasing after the princess all day Shusui-kun” you shot back as you ran from room to room opening windows to let fresh air in.

“Meanwhile the rest of us are out here training all day and night while she is getting the royal treatment and hit on by samurai all day long” Shisui told Itachi in a hushed whisper as he crossed his arms. 

“Itachi-kun can tell you that I pay for it when I get back. Captain Hatake makes sure I train off all the yummy treats that I eat during the summer” she huffed overhearing him.

“She does Shisui, you should go easy on her. No one else does” Itachi shot back to his cousin. 

“I’m just kidding. The most feared kunoichi out of the five nations can take some teasing.” Where you had run off to, they weren’t sure, until you came running back into the house with a full basket of various planets and vegetables and large smile on your face. 

“The previous owner kept a tea garden, a vegetable garden, an herb garden, and a medical garden. I’m going to keep them up as a hobby! And there’s a stream that run out back with magnolia and cherry trees” your excitement couldn’t be contained as you started laying out the plants on the table. Shisui smiled at the glow that you had. He had asked multiple times if you were sure that you wanted to defect from your clan, to which you had assured him that the damage had already been done. He was secretly happy that you two now had paradise away from the prying eyes of your clan members and his. Sneaking around in the woods at night, and your frequent days off in the capital together were not enough it seemed here as of recently.

“Here Itachi, for your little brother, tomatoes. And Shisui, there are some herbs in there that if you mix with some plant oil, it’ll help with your dad’s phantom pains in leg, there’s also some tea to help with his overall discomfort, it won’t do much but it’ll help him sleep better I think. And I’ve added vegetables and green tea, so your mother doesn’t have to do that much shopping this week” you handed both of the boys a basket filled with items. Shisui and Itachi just blinked at you in awe. 

“Y/N, this is too much” Shisui pushed the items back to you. 

“Well I don’t need all of them and I don’t want you guys to worry about groceries this week, or ever really” you said waving him off, knowing good and well he was the only provider for his family. That’s why you were sure to include medical herbs that they wouldn’t normally have the money for, and with his father falling more ill as the days went on, you wanted to do as much as possible to make him comfortable. Shisui’s eyes furrowed.

“I don’t need you taking care of me, I should be taking care of you Y/N.” Itachi elbowed his cousin again at his forwardness and outward frustration to her kind gesture. 

“You do plenty” you said with a smile. Shisui’s look softened and he gave you a bright smile. Itachi shook his head at your exchange. 

“I’m going to leave now, congratulations on your new home. Thanks for the tomatoes, Y/N-san. I’m sure Sasuke will love them.”

“Of course, I’ll make us some dango next time you come by.”

“Hm” the boy hummed as he left your new home. You turned to Shisui, his eyes had been watching you carefully. The air seemed thicker between the two of you and it felt as if every hormone that you had every experienced during your teenage years had hit all at once, mixed with the awkwardness of inexperience. 

“So, I’m sorry I don’t have anything to entertain us,” you said sheepishly scratching the back of your neck, the two of you had never had enough freedom to be completely alone, in a comfortable space and you understood the implications now that you were. And alone. It all felt too convenient and you blushed.

“Y/N, you’re a skilled shinobi, I know your more resourceful than that” Shisui said, walking up to you and catching your chin with his thumb and index finger, tilting your head up to look at him. He wore a smirk that looked like the cat had just caught the canary. You were sure you were now the color of the tomatoes that had given Itachi. Everything felt hot around you. Shisui put his lips on yours and his tonged danced along your bottom lip seeking entrance the rest of your mouth, you closed your eyes and obliged. Sure, the two of you had shared not so innocent touches, but nothing like what you knew was coming. Shisui’s hands traveled up your body, following along your curves, your hands pulled at the mess of curly hair just above his neck. He deepened the kiss and his tongue fought for dominance against your own. Typically, the two of you were consistently locked in some type of battle, life-long rivals and all, and you had always been one to fight back, but with this you were going to let him take control. He removed his lips from yours.

“Where was the bedroom again?” he asked, his eyes were hooded, and his voice was husky. You gave him a coy smirk and grabbed his hand as you pulled him along. 

The memory had been one that you had treasured. Now it had haunted you. 

“Thank you Obaasan, it’s just time for some new memories is all” you said with one last smile to the old woman. You retreated back into your home. Trying to remind yourself that it wasn’t forever. You were certain there would come a time that you and Kakashi would want children, and his small apartment wouldn’t be enough. You sat surrounded by photos and memories, trying to figure out which ones you wanted to take along, as you sat on your bed for the last time, crossed legged with what felt to be your whole life spread out around you, captured moments in time. The photo of your genin team lay directly in front of you, and you picked it up and looked it over. There was you in the middle, smiling and happy, your two male team mates on each side of you, glaring at one another, and your former sensei behind you, trying her hardest to get the boys to behave. You sighed sadly. They were all dead now, other than you and other than the presence that had just made it’s way into your room. 

You did nothing to react to him, your shoulders stayed relaxed as you kept your eyes on the photo. You felt eyes on you, taking you in. You knew that he knew that you were aware that he was there, so you decided that it was best to finally speak up.

“I want to know where exactly it all went wrong” you said, still not turning your body to look at him. Hoping that if you could avoid seeing him, then maybe, just maybe you wouldn’t have to face the fact that your old lover was now your enemy and the village’s enemy at that. The figure that stood out of your eye-line gave a short laugh. Your body tensed, recognizing the voice immediately. You could always ignore the chakra, but his voice brought back subconscious memories and made you forget about your anger for a quick enough second to allow tears to prickle at your eyes. 

“Well Y/N, that’s a very broad question, I’m afraid you’re going to have to be a bit more specific” the voice said. 

You took a deep breath and braced yourself as you turned to the boy that you had loved all your life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed my lovlies! The next chapter will be angsty so prepare accordingly. I have midterms coming up and I'm going home for week, on top of trying to get my JET application in, so my apologies if I do not update before November. I'm not going anywhere though and no abandonment, I promise :)


	5. Author's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not an update! I'm so sorry!

Not an update I am so sorry! I just wanted to update you guys that I haven't forgotten about this story! I've just been bogged down with work and school. I'm thankful for both of those things but sometimes they do not leave me with a lot of free time! I will update next week since I have fall break! Happy Thanksgiving and I hope everyone stays safe!


	6. Memories and Lack There Of

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your patience! This chapter is not as long as others but I plan on writing more this weekend!

You took a shaky breath in, trying to mentally prepare yourself to face the being that currently stood behind you. Tears welled in your eyes and you heard your own mind, the sharpened mind of a proud shinobi, call yourself weak.

“You don’t have to face me, Y/N. I didn’t come here to scare you or to force you into anything you’re not comfortable with” the familiar, once warm but now dredged with sadness, voice said behind you. 

“Then why are you here? Why are you doing this? Why can’t you let me be happy? Please… I don’t understand Shisui” saying his name made it so much more real. The reality of the whole situation. Even without seeing him, you could picture him in his mind, dressed in Akatsuski cloaks, kasa headgear adorned with bells, black fingernails. You took the mental image of Itachi from his recent attack on the village and filled in the blank with Shisui’s features that the depths of your mind seemed to still grasp onto after all of these years.

“I have a request…” he trailed off. He still sounded so gentle, timid and humble, despite everything. You let out a laugh that mixed with a scoff.

“Don’t you think you _Uchiha_ have taken enough from me?” you practically spat. You could practically feel him curl into himself. “I lost you, then I lost Itachi, and now Sasuke. And then to top it all off, I find out that you have joined up with the Akatsuki and you’ve been alive this entire time without as much as a single hint, and you have the audacity to ask something of me?”

“It’s for Itachi… and Sasuke in a way” knowing well that you would break for Sasuke. Your ears perked at the opportunity to help the poor, but it was truly beyond you what it could have to do with Itachi. “And besides… I did leave you hints.” Now there was a discernible smirk to his tone.

“STALKING ME IS NOT LEAVING…” but you suddenly felt yourself at a loss for words and your body had reacted before your mind could and stood for your place on the bed to whip around to Shisui’s waiting form. He was more handsome than you had remembered. His features had sharped over time. All remnants of baby fat from his cheeks was gone. The one eye that wasn’t covered by a bandage the same obsidian that you remembered could quickly turn to the eyes of a demon in less than a second. You felt yourself grow dizzy as you took in the other details of his form. The black clock with red and white clouds, the black nails and kasa headwear, just as you had suspected. He curly black hair that you yearned to run your fingers through.

He observed you taking him in and offered a smirk.

“Wha… what do you want Shisui?” tears ran down your face, and you controlled the urge that ran through your body to run to him, despite the overall grim appearance that the clock added, the red serving as a natural warning sign to stay away, much like venomous animals found in nature. Your eyes drifted to where his left eye was covered with a bandage, you had remembered that the night before his suspected suicide that he had visited you for one last time.

_The sun was setting, and you brought a bundle of fresh flowers into your home. The walls were covered in golds, pinks, and oranges that you find during sunset, the more shaded areas were covered in dark shadows. The flurry of colors played with one another, like a delicate dance of forbidden lovers. Dark and light._

_You sensed someone in your living room as you had turned the corner. Your body was exhausted from the training that Kakashi had put you through that day. But it wasn’t if you had anything better to do at the time. Shisui was on some mission from the Hokage himself and Itachi was off on some separate Anbu mission. No one to bother but Hatake you had figured._

_“Shisui?” you asked. Knowing that something was wrong. The lights were off and he hid his left side in the shadows._

_“Y/N” he stated in grave voice._

_“What’s wrong?” your voice was panicked. Something had happened and you walked to him. He turned away from you, something that he had never done before._

_“Y/N, promise me that no matter what, you will live and be happy.”_

_“What are you talking about? I have you here with me, of course I’ll always be happy” you tried to reassure him. Typically, it was him having to reassure you about the nature of your relationship, not the other way around._

_“After me. You’ll keep living on. You’ll keep growing as a shinobi and being feared by nations and you’ll be the model kunoichi that you’ve always been for our village.” You were utterly confused by his words._

_“After you? Are you talking about once your family marries you off? We’ve been over this…” you placed a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to get him to turn around. You wanted to know where this new anxiety is coming from. Had the elders of his clan picked a wife for him? “Promise me!” he was shaking and the aggressive behavior that he was exhibiting was very much unlike him._

_“Yes. Yes of course. I promise, Shisui” you replied quickly, not wanting to sour his mood further. He turned towards you and that when you saw the blood and the injury to his eye, or lack of eye really. Had someone stolen his sharingan? Was that what this was about?_

_“Your eye…” you had started but then found yourself being engulfed by darkness and unconsciousness._

_The next morning you had awoken in your bed with no recollection of the night before. Your body was sore, and you had figured that Kakashi had worked you to the point of exhaustion during your training. A hawk was waiting outside your window, so you assumed you there was a new assignment waiting for you and the rest of Team Ro waiting for you at the Hokage’s office. As you pulled yourself up from bed you saw a folded note on your nightstand. It must have been from Shisui, he was guilty of leaving love letters and gifts, even if he had to go off on a mission. You smiled and tucked it into your gear for later reading. Little did you know the sorrow that awaited you that morning, and then further sorrow that was written on the letter that you looked forward to._

The memories had slowly come back to you over the years. You had hated him for using his powers on you, and you felt the same hate when you had learned to Sasuke had done something similar to Sakura.

“I need your medical skills for Itachi” he explained.

“Do tell why I should help the person that murdered your whole clan and has now caused his brother, my ward, to run away in an off-handed attempt at vengeance?” you sneered, eyes not moving from him. He gave you another smirk that infuriated you and yet left you feeling other things. Things you did not want to be feeling towards an enemy of the leaf.

“Hmm…that’s a long story, but seeing that Hatake is on a mission, I’m assuming you have time” he said with a twinkle in his eye. He grabbed your hand and began to lead you somewhere away from the comfort of your bedroom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kind comments, I appreciate you all and I will be answering comments soon! Please stay safe this Thanksgiving, if you're in the states! Love you all! Also feel free to keep up with my shenanigans on twitter @briecheezeyy. Alsoooooo I need a beta reader, so if you're interested, please hit me up. I hate editing my own work, mainly bc A. I edit my work for school and work all day, and B. I also work for my school's english department so that's more editing. I'm done editing by the time I get to this sadly.


	7. Of Rivers and Stones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah two updates in one week. Feels good

"Shisui, you're a criminal. You can't just prance me around the village" you whispered harshly as he dragged you through the forest behind your house. 

"Come now, Y/N. It's just us and the moon tonight" you could hear the happiness in his voice, despite not being able to see his face. His hand felt warm around yours, and you felt light. Lighter than you had felt since you had thought that he had died. But another emotion ran through you. One that weighed more than any other grief you had ever felt. Guilt. Your mind continued to run back to Kakashi, and rightfully so. He was on a mission, and here you were running around with your lover turned enemy of the Leaf. 

You reached a clearing that you immediately recognized. The river that ran through the village sat before you, the same river that you had believed to have taken your lover's life at one point. It reflected the moon clearly along with the brilliance of the stars in the sky. It was all you could do to not stare on in awe and to feel the force of the memories that you made in this very clearing. Many of stolen kisses and play fights. Laughter and stories that you had shared as young children. You had never shown this place to anyone other than the three Uchihas that you had given your heart to.

The both of you had stopped to take in your surroundings, your hand still wound tightly in his own, calloused with years of training and wear. You were left breathless, not from the previous running, but because of the sight around you. Each drop of dew seemed to reflect the spectacular skies above, and the river flowed with a gentle grace, and the tree stood as sturdy as the shinobi that protected the village that housed you. But Shisui wasn't looking at the night time spectacular that was laid out before the two of you, he was staring at you. 

For him you were the most spectacular thing in the universe. Throughout all his years of traveling and running, nothing had ever replaced the feeling of being in your presence. It was something that he felt he would never be able to forget, as much as he told himself to sit back and let you live and grow in your own life. He couldn't help but feel jealous of the life that that Kakashi was going to be able to provide to you. A family, the wife to the Hokage with the path that the young Hatake was on, a life full of happiness and pleasures. He couldn't deny that, he had seen the way that your eyes had sparkled at the silver haired man. When you gratefully cooked and cared for Team Seven. A maternal instinct that had always came so naturally with you. He had one day hoped to see you holding (H/C) children of your own, with the black eyes that ran through his family's bloodline looking back at you brightly. Those images had been replaced with images of children that looked like Kakashi and yourself, with him long out of the picture, mostly likely dead or behind bars. 

You swallowed. Trying to gain the courage that you needed for your next question, "Why did you bring me here?" His one eyed gaze stared at you intently and he smiled.

"I feel like I owe you some honesty." You followed his path to the bank of the river. Close to the spot where you had shared many kisses and stories about the stars that had danced above your heads at the time. You watched intently as he retold the tale of his clan's plan for a coup, how Danzo attacked him out of nowhere, and how he truly did try to end his own life, but found him self washed up on a riverbank a few days after his attempt, his body not letting him go just yet.

"It had dawned on me that I was never going to be able to have to have you, as I wanted to. And for that, I felt as if I had no reason to go on." You scoffed at him. 

"We had it figured out. We had a pla-" you had started to argue, tired of his excuses.

"They were going to kill you, (Y/n)," he cut you off. You let out a small gasp, fully registering what he had meant without further explanation. He looked away, not able to face the pain that was etching itself on your face. 

"They had learned about us through the Hokage. He knew that I loved you, and made an offer to Fugaku. You would be... engaged to me and property of the Uchiha clan... as a sign for peace between the village and my clan." You had your own clan's kekki genki, but even you had known that it was not enough to seduce the Uchiha clan with, you had practically imagined Fugaku laughing in the face of the Hokage. 

"Surely my blood line was of no interest to the Uchihas" you said with an airy laugh, knowing good and well that no matter how powerful or pretty you were, it would have never been enough for that clan. 

"They figured that if my sharingan was already strong because I lost a friend..."

"That it would be strengthened by losing a lover" you finished before him, looking out into the night. He was silent as he let you absorb the words.

"I hope this doesn't darken your view of my cousins.."

"Your family's crimes have no effect on my love for Sasuke," you knew he wanted to hear that it had no effect on the love you felt for him, but you also knew that was not something you could offer at the moment. 

"I thought by killing myself I could save you and my clan. But when I hit the water, I didn't die. But I couldn't put you back in danger (Y/N). I'm so sorry for what you went through… but I couldn’t live in a world without you” he said almost pleading as he watched the tears pour from your eyes. 

“You could have told me,” you whispered. 

“And burden you with that knowledge of my clan? I didn’t want to scare you…” he said, clearly still pleading and wanting to stop your tears.

“Oh, letting me think you were dead and leaving me to care for a traumatized child is a lot better?” you scoffed, not hiding your anger. 

“Y/N….” 

“Don’t. It’s fine, I made it work. So basically, you’re telling me I need to help Itachi stay alive in order for Sasuke to get his revenge? Okay fine. I’ll have the medication available for you in a few days,” you said as you turned away from him.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’ll do this as long as it takes for Sasuke to fulfill whatever further traumatizing plan you guys have in mind, but the moment this is over, I will drag him back to this village and you will let us live in peace, so help me Shisui,” your words were harsh. And the idea of letting Shisui live alone in this world broke your heart. But you had to move on and to protect the ones that you loved so dearly.

“Okay. You won’t see me again after this is over” he promised. 

“You’re not allowed to die either. You’ll be lucky if I don’t have you arrested and tried once this is said and done” you scoffed. Shisui smiled at your roundabout way of caring. 

“That wouldn’t be so bad. I’m really close with the lead prosecutor in the village you know? And she’s really hot so I wouldn’t complain too much.” One of the many jobs that you had taken on while raising Sasuke since you were no longer taking missions out of the village.

“Oh yeah? What makes you think she would go easy on you?” you said your stance relaxing at his now playful mood. 

“She’s really kind and sweet. To the point where she would still kill for the last remaining child of the man that wanted her dead for selfish purposes,” he said bring his hand under your chin and brought your gaze up to him. 

“Hmm. That sounds familiar, but the one I know is traumatized, scared, and humiliated. So don’t be so quick to rest on your laurels about it” you practically sneered as you pulled away from his hold, turning to return to your home to finish packing up the remainder of your life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a happy holiday. I have finals until like mid December if you don't hear from me until then, that is why. But I will be sure to update once my semester is over!


End file.
